Love language 101: How do you speak and understand emotional love?


If you have never come across the expression “Love Language”, you probably understand both words as separate entities.

So let’s break it down. What is love? What is language?

Love, in our context, is a feeling of warm personal attachment and tender, deep affection towards someone.

Language, on the other hand, is the method of human communication, either spoken or written, consisting of the use of words in a structured and conventional way.

If we’re to merge both definitions, then love language will mean the communication of feelings and affection towards other humans. Sufficient explanation? Well, we’ll soon see.

Author of 1995 bestselling book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman wrote that there are five major ways to express and experience love. He calls them “love languages”. According to him, everyone has a primary and secondary love language.

For those who have yet to come across any of them, the five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

So the next thing to know how to understand your own love language. What are the characteristics of the different love languages that are relatable in your relationship? Let’s run through them briefly.

Words of Affirmation

Do you love to receive love notes or SMS or emails out of the blues and for no special reason? Do you get excited when your partner tells you you’re beautiful even when you have no makeup on? How does it make you feel the one tells you you make them proud? Do you jump for joy when they whisper sweet nothings to your ear in public? Does a simple “I LOVE YOU” carry so much power for you?

If your answer to all these questions is YES, then this might just be your love language. Verbal affirmation of love and appreciation is one of the best ways to communicate emotions.

Quality Time

If you’re the type who loves romantic getaways, outdoor love activities, spending time alone with your lover, then this is your love language.

But what we should not confuse with this is that it goes beyond just spending time with the one you love, it is spending QUALITY time. So you’re out for lunch and you’re not carried away with phone calls, chats and what not, you’re watching television together but it’s not really the movie you’re about but the opportunity to sit next to each other and be cuddled up.

Giving some hours out of your tight 24 hour-schedule is mostly appreciated.

Receiving Gifts

Now this love language makes more women tick than it does men. Gifts are visible symbols of love and it speaks louder than others.

The ability to have a physical and tangible representation of love is almost fulfilling. It’s beautiful to be able to hold on to a bottle of luxury perfume or a card or a pair of shoes and say “my lover bought this for me”. You know what makes it better? When it comes as a surprise. This is how you know that they’re thinking about you, even when it’s not an expensive gift, the fact that they thought about you and decided to express it with an item, should matter to you.

But it is a two-way concept. Giving and receiving should go hand in hand. Gary Chapman says giving gifts is one of he easiest love languages.

Acts of Service

For some people, actions speak louder than words. Many partners appreciate it more when you serve them. Now this doesn’t make you an idiot, it just makes you a helper.

When someone you love is facing a difficulty with getting a work project done, it’s acceptable to step in and help out if you know how to. Helping them out with chores, tasks, running errands or just filling in when your partner is stressed is an adorable love language.

Do not let the society tell you otherwise.

Physical Touch

Giving someone a quick and random hug or kiss when they least expect is beautiful. You know it’s definitely your love language when it doesn’t get you riled up but rather you encourage it as much as you can.

Kissing, touching, hugging and lovemaking are a timeless love language and they help a couple to bond better and stay stronger, if well done.


What is your primary and secondary love language? Which one does not appeal to you at all. Drop your comments and let’s talk about it.

Written by Lush

I'm Faderera aka Lush. I've been called Lush since my Uni days by my friends. I'm new to blogging. I love writing about Life, Love, Relationships and Marriage. I have a degree in Business Information Technology. I currently work as a Test Lead for a Software House. I'm married and I have a daughter. I often call her #MyYumYum

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