I siddon jejely for my house last week when a friend called me to lament about her bobo’s behaviour.  My friend couldn’t see that she was in an abusive relationship. It’s scary to admit it sef! But you know it is what is. Very few women want to consider the fact that they might be in an abusive relationship.  This is because most relationships initially start off being emotionally intense and passionate.  After a while, the fire dies down and little annoying things crop up.  Shey you never see am with una korokoro eye?  He stops calling you Honey, you start being resentful about his failure to call you every day. Dis geh, you no know say man pikin go hustle for im daily bread?  Na to dey call you all the time I go dey do? Becomes the slogan of the relationship.
With time, Bobo starts criticizing your dressing, your taste in accessories, your makeup and worst of all, your opinions whenever both of you disagree on an issue. Babe, why you dey talk like pesin wey no get sense? How you take tink dat kain tin? You start feeling like you are going crazy but wait a moment my fair lady! You are not to blame. You are a victim of abuse, emotional abuse to be precise, as Oyibo man go talk am!
 Abuse in relationships exists in many different forms.  There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and even sexual abuse in relationships. E dey good as una dey read dis article make una know well well di different signs pesin dey for an abusive relationship! This will help you know what to do and how to extricate yourself before it gets out of hand.
You may think to yourself that a person in an abusive relationship will know this.  Wrong! This is because most abusers are into manipulation and are expert at making the whole abuse appear as if it were your fault. Woman, if you dey cook my food as I dey like am, I no go slap you! Manipulation can actually create a lot of confusion and make you feel like you are going crazy.
The guy wants both of you to date or commit as quick as possible. (Oun Gbona lovers)
In the perfect love story, both partners know they are destined for each other the very moment they set eyes on themselves. But in real life, love at first sight hardly ever exists, if at all.  You might feel an instant connection with someone, but try to remember if all your associations with people have ever gone well just because there was an instant connection or you just liked the person in particular. Abusers and manipulators are well aware of this, so they try to give you the impression that there’s no need to wait to check each other out before dating or getting married.  This is because they want to gain control over you ASAP before you have time to think, consider and retrace your steps.  The man might actually act very sweet and nice initially, but if it is a match made in heaven as he wants you to believe, both of you should be willing to wait a while to check each other out, get to know each other better before entering into the relationship or marriage.  You have a lifetime to spend with each other, so why hurry?
Your guy too dey vex!
Mood swings are a sign that you are entering into dangerous territory with a lover.  For instance, you had a date with your boyfriend but something urgent came up at work.  You inform him but instead of his being understanding, he swears at you, calling you a whore and that you don’t love him.  The next day, he’s as sweet as sugar, telling you that he had a bad day, it was not your fault, and that he loves you very much. You need to watch out, as it is unlikely to stop.  It will only get worse with time.
He insults you at the drop of a hat.
I once met a guy who loved arguing for the sake of it.  He would insult me when he saw that his so-called logical arguments were not moving me.  Why do you always think in one dimension, can’t you be realistic for once? Etc were some of the subtle jabs he threw my way.  I’m not the touchy type, but I saw these remarks for what they were, insults and I refused to tolerate it from him.  He eventually left me alone. If you are with a person who insults you and refuses to stop when you complain about it, even telling you that he was only teasing you or that you are too touchy, it is easy to see how such an association will degenerate into emotional abuse.
He wants you to cut off from your family and friends.
This na main main! Some guys no get shame. He go dominate your entire existence, if you allow him. If you are with a man who claims your family and friends are not good for you, that they are leading you astray and that he wants you to cut off from them, watch out! Isolation is one sign you are in an abusive relationship and ought to be taken seriously.  No woman should have to choose between her family, friend(s) and her man.
You dey fear the man.
Fear of a romantic partner is not healthy.  If you are in a relationship and you find out you are always nervous around the man, you are scared of irritating him, scared of him insulting you and so on, it is a sure sign you are in an abusive relationship.
These are the little-known signs you are in an abusive relationship.  Read through them very well so that you will know and if possible, call a halt to the abuse before it gets out of hand!
xoxo… Lush

Written by Lush

I'm Faderera aka Lush. I've been called Lush since my Uni days by my friends. I'm new to blogging. I love writing about Life, Love, Relationships and Marriage. I have a degree in Business Information Technology. I currently work as a Test Lead for a Software House. I'm married and I have a daughter. I often call her #MyYumYum

Hey! Please, Drop A Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *